Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher are opening up about one of the most painful times in their marriage, when Carrie experienced three heartbreaking miscarriages. The couple spoke about the losses in the second episode of their God & Country series, airing on I Am Second.

“Five years into our marriage, we had Isaiah, and we had this awesome gift,” Mike said. “And then, we wanted him to have a little brother or sister, and you start planning, as we all do in our minds.”

“I’m a planner,” Carrie interjected. “I like to know what’s happening, all the time.”

“We get pregnant again, fairly easily, and months in, we lose the baby,” Mike continued. “It’s obviously a fear.”

Carrie admitted that it never occurred to her that she would experience one miscarriage, let alone three.

“It sounds wrong when you say it, but it’s one of those bad things that happens to other people,” the singer acknowledged. “It’s like so many things in the world: it’s not something that you ever envision yourself having to deal with.”

Both Carrie and Mike admit the losses tested their faith in a way they could have never anticipated.

“You pray and you pray and you pray,” Mike said. “Sometimes I think I’m guilty of expecting God to be a genie in a bottle, and it’s not that. ‘OK, why is this happening?’ You don’t know why, and sometimes you’ll never figure out why.”

It was Mike who held onto faith that Isaiah would have a little brother, even when Carrie was skeptical.

“Mike came to me one day, and he said, ‘We’re going to have another baby, and it’s going to be a boy, and his name’s going to be Jacob,'” Carrie recalled.

The former hockey player felt God had spoken those words to him, when he was questioning his own beliefs.

“I was frustrated,” Mike conceded. “We’d had two miscarriages. What’s the future look like? We don’t know. Are we going to adopt? You’re going through things in your mind. I was just wrestling, and probably the most honest I’d been with God ever in my life, and I heard, not audibly, but I just sensed that God told me we’re going to have a son, and his name’s Jacob.”

The couple lost yet another baby, and then found out Carrie was pregnant again, but it didn’t take long for things to start looking ominous.

“I think it was a Friday night, and she’s like, ‘I lost the baby,'” Mike recounted. “I was like, ‘There’s no way. Again? Well, you don’t know.’ And you’re like, ‘Yeah. I know.'”

Mike was away, and Carrie decided to lay down in Isaiah’s room.

“I just remember not wanting to be by myself, so I went up to Isaiah’s room, and crawled into bed with him,” Carrie recalled. “I don’t know how that kid didn’t wake up, because I was bawling. I feel like I’ve been a Christian my whole life. I always wanted to be a good daughter. Having a child, it’s like even if you know what’s wrong with your child, you want them to talk to you about it. You want to make that connection.

“I just had an honest conversation with God, and told Him how I felt,” she continued. “I was hurt. I was a little angry. Of course, you feel guilty for being mad at your Creator. And I told Him I needed something. We needed to have a baby or not, ever. I couldn’t keep going down that road anymore. Monday, I texted my doctor, ‘Can I just come in so we can just see and I can close the door and move on?’ A couple hours later the nurse called me and I felt like she was surprised, like she wasn’t even expecting to tell me what she was going to tell me. She told me my numbers, my levels, were not just where they were supposed to be, but way past, through the roof, no doubt about it.”

Jacob was born on January 21, 2019.