Keith Urban has earned the approval of millions of fans, but the person whose approval he wants the most is no longer able to offer it to him. The 56-year-old says his father, who passed away in 2015, is the one whose approval he seeks the most, even though he can no longer give it.

“I feel like I’m still trying to make my dad proud, and I think my dad was proud years ago,” Urban tells People. “My dad’s not even alive anymore and I still feel like I’m trying to get his approval. So certain things just stay part of my fire.”

It was Urban’s father who developed in him a deep love of country music, and of the place he now calls home.

“My dad’s love of country music and America set me on my life’s journey, and shaped so much of who I am today,” Urban said when his father passed away.

Their relationship was, by his own admission, tumultuous at times, memories he shares with his brother, even his mother remembers things differently.

“My brother and I are very much in sync with our memories of everything. But it’s not necessarily shared by my mother,” Urban told Rolling Stone. “Slightly different memory, different way of framing everything; selective memory. But maybe even at some point where that sort of deniability becomes a real thing and it’s real.

“You know, whatever it takes to survive and get through things can actually become quite factual in memory,” he added. ‘[Mum would say], ‘Oh your dad would never have done that’. And just like, ‘Oh my God, really? Are you really saying that? Okay, okay. Let’s just move on, let’s move off that.'”

Urban may not ever get the approval from his father that he seeks, but he does get validation from the most important person in his life: his wife, Nicole Kidman, especially when she attends one of his concerts.

“It fires me up a bit more,” he says of knowing his wife is watching. “I try to impress her.”

Kidman will likely join him when he heads to Las Vegas later this year for his HIGH in Vegas residency, which begins in October. For an artist who says his goal is to unite the audience, even if only for a few hours, there is no better place to make that happen than Las Vegas.

“The only challenge I get in Vegas is obviously you’ve got a big mix of people,” Urban says.” You’ve got some hardcore fans, you’ve got some people that know some of your songs, but you’ve always got people that don’t know anything that I do, and they’re just curious. I try and get everyone connected and into it as fast as possible.”

Urban just released “Go Home W U,” his collaboration with Lainey Wilson. He also released “Straight Line” and “Messed Up As Me,” all from his next album. Find all of Urban’s music and tour dates, including his HIGH in Vegas shows, at  KeithUrban.com.