Keith Urban first won an Entertainer of the Year award in 2005, beating out Alan Jackson, Kenny Chesney, Toby Keith and Brad Paisley to win the night’s highest honor. While thrilled with the accolade, the New Zealand native admits he wasn’t as happy as he should have been with taking home the coveted trophy.

“From a professional standpoint – that was it for me,” Keith told SiriusXM‘s Storme Warren, when reflecting on some of the highlights of his life and career. “And in 2005, when I was nominated at the CMAs for Male Vocal and Entertainer of the Year in the same year and won them both, it was too overwhelming to me. I was terrified that I’d won Entertainer of the Year so soon. I thought, ‘Well, that’s it. That’s the end of the career. I’ve peaked. And I feel like I’ve got so much more to do.’

“It felt too much too soon,” he continued. “I couldn’t enjoy it because I was so scared that it was all over too soon. I had so much more I wanted to do. The other high point would have been being honored [with] that again, 15 years later. Speechless.”

The 53-year-old also says some of his highlights are much more personal.

“Meeting Nic [Nicole Kidman] and marrying her,” Keith said. “Having children. Getting sober. None of these are in any particular order, because they’re all equally on point.”

Keith previously opened up about his relationship with his wife of 14 years, and how she has helped him in almost every aspect of his life, including how to share his thoughts and feelings.

“It took marrying Nic to learn all about that, learn about how to communicate, really communicate properly, speak, say things,” Keith told Variety. “I could write a good love song, but I was terrible at relationships, because I didn’t really know. It wasn’t my mom and dad’s fault. They did a great job raising us. They just, like anybody else, you can’t give away what you don’t have. I’m glad that our girls are in a very different environment, where we talk about things all the time. It’s really important.”