TobyMac experienced every parent’s worst nightmare, when he and his wife, Amanda, lost their son Truett in 2019 to an accidental drug overdose. The Christian singer and songwriter is opening up about his grief, and how it forever changed him and his family.
“I will forever be a different man,” TobyMac tells People. “I thought, honestly, with my five kids and my bride, that I had the perfect life. And we’re really messy now. It’s not so neat anymore.”
TobyMac, who rose to fame first as part of the group DC Talk, before launching his solo career, knew that Truett battled substance abuse, but never imagined the addiction would turn fatal.
“It wasn’t something that we thought was okay, but we didn’t think it was an urgent problem, I guess,” TobyMac reflects. “I do think that he knew where we stood on it and wanted to honor us, so that was a battle that he fought.”
Mere months after Truett’s death, the world was put on lockdown due to the coronavirus pandemic. The unexpected time at home became a gift for the 57-year-old and his family, including his four children, as they grappled with Truett’s tragic death.
“We’re not scared to talk about it. It’s not a taboo subject. It’s something beautiful,” the 57-year-old reflects. “[We have] the faith to believe, is Truett laughing at this right now? Is he saying, ‘Come on Dad, give him a break’ when I’m hard on his little brother? All that has been really good for us.
“He’s part of an ongoing conversation,” TobyMac continues. “We meet every year at the park across the street where we had his service, and we tell stories about him — things he had done or said or made us laugh or when he was a bad boy or when he was so kindhearted. We remember him all the time.”
TobyMac is forever grateful for the last moment he had with Truett, one that almost didn’t happen due to his busy touring schedule. TobyMac made a last-minute decision to change his schedule to see his son perform at a venue in downtown Franklin, unaware that it would be the last time he would see him.
“I could not be more grateful [that I was there],” TobyMac says. “I’m just like, I have to be at his show. But in my mind he was going to do 20,000 other shows… I live across the street from where he did his last show and there’s a restaurant over there and some days I go to that restaurant and I just look over at the patio where I last saw him, and gave him a hug, and said, ‘I’m so proud of you,’ and I just cry.”
TobyMac poured his grief into his music after his son’s passing, with songs like “21 Years,” “Promised Land” and more. The songs appear on TobyMac’s latest, painfully honest album, Life After Death, released in June.
“The pain and anguish was just killing us. I never thought I would ever have it together again,” TobyMac concedes. “I want to write songs that resonate. It’s amazing how many people have experienced loss and how a song just loves them well, wherever they are. I’m so grateful for that.”
Find all of TobyMac’s music and tour dates at TobyMac.com.
Photo Credit: The Media Collective